with Your Ex, Arthritis
by Sara Pisak
Come on, answer.
I know you miss me.
No, I don't miss you. It has been a great 8 months without you. Stop texting me out of the blue!
I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and will be coming back for awhile. It's lonely in remission.
Really? We have been through this 100 times. Having a "say" is not how this works.
Damn! I forgot I can do all that.
You don't want me back, why?
Look at all the things I can offer.
That's the plan! You're the one who broke up with me. Our relationship is not over!
I'm doing this for us so we can be together. If that makes me selfish then so be it.
Don't I have a say in this? It's not lonely for me. I am enjoying myself in remission. I can do whatever I want without pain and worry, such as walks in the park, swimming, and yoga.
Are you kidding me? I'm supposed to be okay with you coming and going, wrecking havoc, and making me sick whenever you please?
All you have to say for yourself is, “Yep?" You give me swollen joints, fevers, make me barely able to move, repress my immune system, and make me sick with worry and all you can say is, "Yep."
You make me sick!
I know your are lonely and your anxiety makes it hard to stop attacking my immune system. You are being selfish. Honestly, there is nothing wrong. There is no threat. Tell me what I can do to make you panic less?
You only care about feeding your own symptoms.
Where'd you go? Are you in remission? Not talking to me?
Fine. Don't answer. It's the same redundant conversation we always have.
You know what? It's not fine. You are not helping me or yourself by being controlling, possessive, and attacking things that aren't there.
I've been patient for 22 years. Treating you is completely ineffective. Medication and homeopathic therapies are do nothing. It is so frustrating with you calling the shots. You don't respond to anything!
See you soon,
Previously published in: Five:2:One #thesideshow